I never want to have a roommate every again in my entire life. They smell, they are often naked, and they don’t have boundaries.
The following is a list of 13 reasons why I refuse to have a roommate ever again; aside from the fact that roommates are awful in general. I’m a true fan of solitude.
*NOTE: SOME OF THESE STORIES ARE ABOUT THE SAME ROOMMATE – I DIDN’T HAVE 13 CRAZY ROOMMATES (ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I WONDER)*
13. The Roommate That Put Butter In The Orange Juice
Yah, you read that right. A couple of years ago my roommate was a complete and total wierdo. She was constantly accusing people of doing things that were intended to harm her in one way of another. This girl was the epitome of “the world is out to get me”. One weekend in particular she had a couple friends from home visiting, and they were staying in our tiny apartment with us. I was in my bedroom, which was connected to the kitchen, doing some studying when I heard my roommate start cooking breakfast with her friends. They were cooking for about 10 minutes when one of her friends asked if she could help herself to some orange juice, to which my roommate replied, “Yes, but grab the one in the back because the other one has butter in it” (Yes, ladies and gents – BUTTER). Her friend naturally was freaked out and asked why. My roommates answer was “Oh, I think she’s been drinking my orange juice, so I put butter in it”. Can you say crazy?
12. The Roommate That Poked Holes In My Condoms
This roommate was also my cousin – I think it’s important to know that before we get into the story. She was my best friend for my entire life, and so when she moved to my city, we decided we would live together to save on rent! About halfway through the year she got a new boyfriend who was over all the time, and they would leave their dishes and garbage everywhere, so naturally I asked if she could keep it tidy, because it was getting gross (what an understatement). This was the start of WWIII because from this point on we didn’t get along. She stayed disgusting, but now wanted to make my life a living hell and decided she would destroy all of my condoms. Luckily I discovered it before I used any, but really… This kind of revenge is just uncouth.
11. The Roommate With Kleptomaniac Tendencies
In my first year of college I lived in a townhouse on campus with 5 other girls. I went to high school with one of them, one of them became my best friend, 2 of them were from the same town and were best friends, and then there was this one girl that got kicked out of her original townhouse because her roommates hated her, and we said it was fine if she lived with us. We were being kind, ok? Oh, the regret. Throughout the year we started to realize our dishes and utensils started to drop in numbers. It was fine because between the 6 of us we had enough dishes to get by, but it was still sort of odd. When this roommate finally moved out we went into her room to find all our dishes piled up in a tower – along with all of her caked on foods from the year.