Defining The 50 States Of America As People In Bars Is Pure Perfection

A recent Reddit post asked users the following question: “The United States is a bar, what is each State doing and drinking?” Special credit goes to Reddit user motherboy, who is the individual mastermind behind many of them.


Alabama is a fat guy with a goatee, wearing a camo jacket and a trucker hat. Despite his drunkenness and outwards appearance of being a racist redneck, he is actually pretty nice to everyone at the bar. He’s drinking a can of Budweiser.

Alaska and Nebraska would just be 20 drinks in before even showing up to the bar.

Arizona is the bouncer, kicking Mexicans out who are trying to get in from the bar across the street. Ironically, he’s drinking Tecate.

Arkansas is drinking straight whiskey and asking people if they want to arm wrestle to prove how manly they are.

California is constantly buying drinks for others, yet has failing kidneys from lack of hydration.

Colorado is a beautiful, perfectly athletic couple wearing all Patagonia, drinking craft beer talking about their last mountaineering trip, with an air of aloofness.

Connecticut is a rich white woman sipping a martini and silently judging all the other states.

Delaware is that guy who hangs around the outside of the New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and New Jersey friend-circle, taking occasional sips from his Yuengling and mostly being ignored, except when New York has to go past him to get to the bar.

Florida is drinking moonshine while riding an alligator through the orange groves to the local Publix.

Georgia will be drinking bud light, wearing a UGA trucker hat, tortoise Costa Del Mar sunglasses with croakies, solid colored Polo shirt, questionably short shorts with a UGA belt, and driving a Z71 with a Browning decal in their rear window (even though he only went hunting twice, in Jr High) and a UGA license plate frame. He went to Valdosta State University, and he works in his dad’s local business.

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