7. “I don’t know how to flirt anymore. I just see someone attractive and instantly want them naked in my bed, but I can’t say that out loud.”
6. “I think I actually hate my vibrator right now. I hear buzzing and I instantly want to shout, ‘You’re inferior to the whole naked-sex-with-another-person experience!'”
5. “Thank the heavens for adjustable shower heads.”
4. “My friend said that masturbating was better than having sex with someone else. THEY LIED.”
