In our generation we move from person to person without ever really taking into account feelings. We say we are just “talking” with someone rather than actually dating them to make it easier to move on and be able to just have fun. We make excuses about the little things that we didn’t like in the person so we can justify leaving them behind. Here’s a letter the boy/s that were just a fling, to my almost relationships, to the what could have been.
I’m so sorry that I used you when I just wasn’t myself. When we began talking I wasn’t sure what I wanted or even what I was looking for, but I knew for sure that I didn’t want to be alone. That’s always been one of my biggest fears. Honestly, who isn’t afraid of ending up alone? It’s just nice to have someone that you know you will always be able to depend on.
I have jumped from one relationship to the next for so long, that I didn’t know what to do with myself when I was actually all by myself. You were messaging me telling me you thought I was pretty and asking about hanging out and there I was sitting on my futon on a Friday night, watching Netflix all alone. I thought, “Well what’s the harm in just hanging out and seeing where it goes?” Of course I said yes, mostly to boost my own self-esteem. At the time I probably thought that if I dated around enough I would eventually find the perfect guy to pull me out of my funk, but the truth is, no guy could make me whole or turn everything around for the better. Only I could do that for myself.
There was nothing wrong with you and I know that it is so cliche to say it’s me, not you, but in this case there’s nothing truer. If we had met at a different time maybe things could’ve been differently and I will probably always have that what if mentality when I look back on our couple of weeks or months together. You were the perfect gentleman and I wasn’t ready for that kind of respect and love yet.
So I’m truly sorry for going on dates with you, cuddling with you, and making you think I really wanted us because what I really wanted was a completed me and nobody can help me with that.