The mixed cocktail of sadness, self doubt, and numbness washed over me with a force as powerful as a tsunami. I self reflected for a weeks when people asked me what ever happened to you, and I had to tell them of our relationship. It sucked. You telling me to keep you in mind for graduate school made me really bitter because it felt like being friend zoned in the worst way. You know, when they give you the whole, “I don’t think I feel that way about you now, but maybe a couple years down the road when the timing’s right.” You denying me even a chance of attending your school really made me doubt my abilities. I don’t regret putting myself out there because if I wouldn’t have I always would have lived with a “what if” in my life. I am happier now because I decided your denial of me doesn’t define me. Attending the university I do now is probably a blessing in disguise. It’s saving me money, closer to home, and I get to see some of the best friends I’ve ever made in my life. I already switched my major and I don’t feel as bad as I probably would have if I would have attended your school, so in retrospect, I don’t feel as much pressure here as I most likely would have there. I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life and I don’t really have a plan anymore partly because of you and partly because life happens. I’m okay with not knowing because now my life is open-ended and I’m left to choose whatever path seems the best that day. So in closing, I guess I’m grateful that you denied me, as weird as that sounds, because you left me where I am today, and I don’t think I was meant to be anywhere else but here.
Sincerely,
Me
