Why Food Is Better Than Any Relationship

14) Pizza will never wake up one day and realize it doesn’t love you anymore.


13) The only “commitment issues” you will experience with food is whether or not to choose the Oreos over the Chips Ahoy… My opinion: choose both, because you can.

12) There are no unfortunate surprises when it comes to food. They can’t lie and say they’re someone that they aren’t. You will never go on Facebook and realize that “double chunk chocolate brownie” is really just a knock off version of a Cosmic brownie that’s half eaten.


11) Your big bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch will always be there to cry into when you fail that really important bio test you’ve been studying for all week.


10) French fries won’t scream at you for hooking up with their friend behind a shed at a house party.


9) Bacon will never take too many shots of Fireball and puke all over your mom’s $450 antique rug.


8) When it comes to spaghetti, there are no birthdays or anniversaries to remember, no arrogant, obnoxious parents to deal with, and no fake smiling through that two and a half hour baseball game that cuts into The Bachelorette finale.


7) You can take Chinese food into public with you without having to worry about whether or not they will tell people about that one time when you drunkenly introduced yourself to their parents as “Beyonce.”


6) You’ll never accidentally match mac n cheese’s best friend on Tinder…oops!


5) Communication is never an issue. That Reese’s peanut butter cup ALWAYS knows how to call your name.


4) Cheeseburgers will never care if you pack on a few pounds. In fact, they’re most likely the reason you do.


3) Bagel bites won’t ever leave mysterious bruises on your neck that you have to lie to your grandparents about in the middle of Sunday dinner.200-2

2) Chicken wings won’t talk back to you when you ask it to take out the garbage or to stop spending ungodly amounts of money on its truck.


1) And most importantly, when that 6 month relationship ends that you swore would last forever, food will always be there for you.


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