Written By: Laura
The recent UCSB shootings have thrust this issue into the forefront, but this is actually something that I’ve been meaning to blog about for awhile–this pervasive (and fucking annoying) “nice guy” culture, in which guys complain about not being able to find a girlfriend even though they’re a “nice guy.” As evidenced by the UCSB shootings, this can turn ugly very quickly. Granted, that was the extreme reaction of a very mentally disturbed individual, but it still speaks to the prominence of a culture in which guys think that they are entitled to a girlfriend simply because they are decent human beings.
So, if you are one of these self-proclaimed “nice guys” and still can’t get a girlfriend, listen up, because I’m about to get super real with you.
The truth is, girls do like guys who are nice. Of course, there are girls that only like douchebags, just like there are guys that only like massive bitches, but they are not in the majority. But a guy who is just nice, with absolutely no other redeeming qualities about him, is going to be the most boring person on the face of the planet. I mean, scarves are nice. Seat warmers are nice. That doesn’t mean that I want to marry them and live with them for another fifty years. “Nice” is such a vague and bland descriptor of somebody that using it to define a person gives you little to no insight into what that person is actually like. What does “nice” even mean, anyways? Does “nice” mean caring, kind, and respectful? If so, use those words instead. Does “nice” just mean that you’re not a rapist? Because I hate to break it to you, buddy, but most girls’ checklists for a future husband are a little longer than “not a rapist.” I mean congratulations, that’s awesome that you’re not a felon. Do you want a fucking cookie, or something?
Girls don’t like “nice guys” because we want somebody who brings a little more to the table than just “nice.” It’s a good start, but how about somebody who is funny? Or involved in a lot of interesting things? Or smart? Or, yes, good-looking? (Yes, we’re shallow too. But looks aren’t nearly as important to girls as they are to guys, so I don’t want to hear you complaining about it) Or somebody that you can hold a great conversation with? I’m not saying that any of those things entitle you to a girlfriend either, because, really, nothing on the face of the planet is going to make you entitled to a girlfriend, but if your sole redeeming quality is “nice,” you can understand why that doesn’t make you the most appealing person that ever was.
And furthermore, the most irritating (and laughable, to some extent) aspect of “nice guy” culture is the fact that these guys feel the need to actually say that they are nice guys. For the record, gentlemen, calling yourself a “nice guy” is a HUGE red flag to girls. Uttering those two little words in reference to yourself is a surefire way to get any self-respecting girl to run into the opposite direction–not because she’s running into the arms of a douchebag, but because you just told her that you actually buy into this “nice guy” culture crap.
Here’s the thing: if you’re a nice guy, you don’t need to tell girls that you’re a nice guy. We will know. We’re not stupid.
Genuinely good, nice guys are not being nice because they think it will help them get a girlfriend. And they don’t feel the need to go around telling people that they are nice, because they’re not being nice in order to impress other people, particularly girls. They are being nice because that’s just who they are. Furthermore, as I mentioned above, if you are a genuinely nice guy, girls will know. Telling girls that you are a nice guy is just telling them that you’re trying to be nice so that you can get a girlfriend, and that is quite possibly the biggest turnoff ever. If this is something you do, you need to go back, take a good long look at yourself and what you are doing with your life, and figure out some way that you can make yourself into a kinder, more caring person–not because that will help you get a girlfriend, but because that’s the right thing to do.
So what if you’re a nice, funny, smart, good-looking guy that can’t find a girlfriend? Well…….tough. There are lots of nice, funny, smart, good-looking girls out there that can’t find boyfriends, either (and, for the record, can I just say that you NEVER hear girls saying, “Why can’t I find a boyfriend? I’m a nice girl!”). That’s just life, and it’s totally okay to be disappointed or unhappy that you want a girlfriend and can’t find anyone you’re compatible with. It’s also okay to be a nice, funny, smart, good-looking guy and NOT want a significant other. What’s not okay is calling women are stupid because they don’t want to be with you, or claiming that girls only like douchebags.
After all, I know plenty of amazing, beautiful, successful, straight-up awesome girls that are single and would like to be in relationships. It’s not that they can’t get a guy, it’s just that they haven’t found somebody that they’re romantically compatible with. But I don’t hear them complaining about how stupid guys are for not wanting to be with them. Actually, the only time that we sit around and talk about how stupid guys are is when we’ve been subjected to some grade-A “nice guy” bullshit. Huh. Funny how that works.
Bottom line: there is no quality–no attribute, no skill, no career–that mandates a woman to want to be with you, and herego be stupid if she doesn’t want to. You could be the absolute greatest guy in the entire world–the intrigue of Dos Equis guy, the athleticism of Usain Bolt, the intelligence of Stephen Hawking, the kindness of a saint, the looks of Ryan Gosling with further-apart eyes, the humor of Louis CK–and a woman still would have every right to walk away from you without being labeled as stupid, or a bitch. So why the hell do you think that merely “not being a rapist” entitles you to a girlfriend? Spoiler alert–it does not. Boom. Done. Shut it down.
I agree with the article however I must say that I found this little snippet to be particularly ironic.
– “What’s not okay is calling women are stupid”
Good stuff, poor grammar.
Horrible grammar. Not only that, but poor use of vocabulary (you use the word ‘stupid’ over 5 times). Also, the arguments you brought up didn’t answer the overall question: ‘Why don’t young college girls like nice guys.’
When we talk about ‘good guys,’ we mean virtuous people. Why wouldn’t any girl want a virtuous partner? I understand your argument that ‘good’ isn’t the only desirable characteristic in a man, but you try degrade the word ‘good’ in order to justify your carelessness for good people. If you like guys who aren’t virtuous people, just admit it. We all know the handsome frat guy who plays hard to get is going to win over most girls, compared to a genuinely nice, intelligent, and ambitious individual.
I really disliked your last statement that men think that they are good because they don’t want to rape women. Now you are just degrading men. This “advise” isn’t helping anyone. You are trying to justify dating a man who really doesn’t give a shit about you. And that is fine by me; I have no interest in dating a woman who finds odious people attractive.
Lol let me guess : youre a “nice guy” and girls just perfer douchebags over you, right? Heres the truth: you’re not attractive or funny and youre uninteresting and awkward so we cant fucking ever be in a relationship with a loser like you
Complains about a girls grammar. Spells “advice” wrong
If this wasn’t the most sexist thing I end up reading this year, I will be surprised. I love how culture has slipped towards demonizing and degrading men for the heinous actions of a few. The first thing a girl should care about in a man is if he is a kind hearted caring individual. You completely dismiss all nice guys as boring, and that is not okay. You make more than 15 sexist comments towards men, and that is what angers me most. Equality is never going to happen, and that’s a sad thought. Sincerely, the pissed off feminist who is starting to see more man bashing than actual progress towards being considered EQUALS.
First off, if you’re going to pretend to be a woman and a feminist, then at least have the intelligence to not use tired old MRA tactics. Second of all, unless you’re a hyper-sensitive cry-baby with an extremely determined persecution complex, then in no way could this article be described as ‘man bashing’. Grow up, you whiny little toddler. Women don’t want you because you have nothing to offer. That’s your failure, and yours alone.
This is just a theory, but, what if nice guys were actually nice guys? I know that’s a hard to believe notion, that someone with a kind disposition isn’t doing it just to get laid. But nice guys are more times than not just fine with being single. They may make curious quips about why all their female friends are more attracted to that one bartender who is fucking literally everyone of them, but he can have those diseases. Way to just bash men though, fucking sexist.
You have told “nice guys” nothing useful in finding a girlfriend. This was pretty much just you bitching about guys saying they are nice and that they deserve to be with someone… well thats what i got tl/dr. Anywho no one deserves to be alone. Sooooo nice guys listen up. If you want a girlfriend lower your standards. also quit paying for everything. If you pay for it you might as well pay for it without having to work for it or invest any emotional attachment(ifyouknowwhatimean.jpg). Grow some balls. a closed mouth goes unfed but an open mouth might get slapped. Bitches love drama so thats a good thing. Play it off. Start talking to everyone. It becomes easier as you go. Jump on the very 1st girl that seems slightly interested in and will say yes to you but don’t get attached. fake it till you make it. Don’t worry if you get a battleborn looking troglodyte that should probably be lurking around in some dark moist dungeon. Little girls love the feel of “stealing a man.” You have to jump from sinking rock to sinking rock until you find one with a good foundation. Talk to multiple girls at the same time. they are “just friends” but really your next possible jump. lastly never take advice from something that bleeds for 7 days and doesn’t die. /
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