It’s one thing to share your bed with your significant other, but it is another thing to share a closed space, with no bathroom, one radio, and nothing but miles ahead of you with your main squeeze. I recently took the 500-mile drive home with my boyfriend to celebrate my parent’s 30th anniversary and to introduce my love of 7 months. I wasn’t too nervous because my parents are amazing and have always gotten along well with everyone (I have never brought a boy home so they were pretty excited about that alone). But the thing that racked my brain for the duration of the week leading up to the trip was the trip itself. Now *Kevin has always been tolerant of my neurotic spells. He has seen me cry over studying for a test, get slap happy from staying up too late, and still loves me after I dug my nails into his arms from pure terror during the premiere of “Into the Storm,” prompting us to leave early with no refunded ticket. But he had yet to see the crazy that ensued after I had been driving for seven hours straight down the highway, screaming Beyoncé at the top of my lungs, and then shoving gas station food into my vortex of a mouth…until this past weekend. So here are some tips about how to survive a road trip with your special friend, and to not kill them along the way.
Let them know ahead of time what you expect out of the trip. Say things like, “I would like to be at the West Virginia border by 2. Sound good?” This will let them know that you don’t have time to be meandering around the gas station, picking out snacks, and spending forever in the restroom. Then again, boys are kind of literal, so maybe you should be specific with them. Also set a driver schedule if you want to take shifts while the other one sleeps. Kevin, however, is 6’5 and there is no way he could fit in my driver’s seat that is perfectly adjusted to fit my 5’3 needs. So, I was comfortable with him laying back and enjoying the 10-hour drive.
I may have went a little overboard with playing “Flawless” four times in a row, but when bae asks to change the song, change the song. I let Kevin have his fair share of Cage the Elephant and 2 Chainz, but we both mutually agreed on some quiet time after a while. When driving back, he was feeling super tired, so I let him sleep while I quietly played an audiobook, and gently woke him up whenever we were stopping for bathroom/gas breaks. I wasn’t mad, because some peace and quiet was much needed after an overwhelming weekend.
I almost had a full out bitch fit when Kevin went to take his shoes off, and he practically ripped me a new one when I belched so loud it woke him up. When in a closed space, it’s just common sense and common courtesy to keep your shoes, shirt, pants on, and your bodily functions in. Don’t spray anything, paint anything, eat anything, or smoke anything that your partner has to suffer in. Sure they may have seen you at your worse, but something about not being able to open the door and not plummet to your death, is enough to drive a person mad. Also, for the love of God, wear deodorant.
If you chose to sit in the passenger seat, you are the co-pilot and have a certain set of responsibilities that go with the job description. You are in charge of navigation, trash detail, and making sure everything is running smoothly, that the driver may not be able to get to at the moment. I had a 10-mile argument with Kevin over the fact that my phone dropped behind my seat and I needed him to get it. He argued that I don’t need my phone while driving anyway and just wait until the next stop to retrieve it. I then bitched about his freakishly long limbs but mediocre mind. But don’t worry, the fight was resolved, the phone was retrieved, and Beyoncé was plugged back into the radio.
Your best friend and lover is sitting less than a foot away from you for a long amount of time. You talk, and laugh, and put your hand on their thigh, and then you feel hot all of a sudden, and the sexual tension is just exploding over and over between you, but here is the dilemma, you’re driving at 70+ miles per hour and kind of want to make it to your destination, despite how nice a quickie would be. And besides, (see number 1)
Yes, Kevin and I are still together, and alive, and he is invited back for Thanksgiving. I actually think he was a little bit bummed to leave my family. While the road trip was long, and aggravating at times, it was a fun experience that has only made us grow stronger as a couple and as individuals as well.
*My boyfriend’s name is not really Kevin, but has been changed for the purpose of this article. He asked originally to be called “Rocky Thunderstick” and therefore his name was changed to Kevin.
University of Kentucky Sophomore
I am not actually that funny. I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.
Part-Time Blogger Extraordinaire & Full-Time Queen Bee
No Ragrets. Not Even One Letter.
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Rocky Thunderstick lol
