Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. In the hellish 7 years that we have been married, a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone…and all I found was your lousy letter.Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. By the way, I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was actually born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
