“Don’t tell anyone” doesn’t include your best friend:
It’s not gossip if you’re simply filling in your other half with the information you’ve encountered. It’s not like they’ll tell anyone anyways, and besides, it’s just second nature to tell them everything.
If he breaks her heart, you break him. Then you help her heal:
No one gets away with hurting your best friend and not hearing from you after. After dumping his body in a far off ditch, you walk right into her room with chocolate and fatty snacks, and you lay there with her until everything is okay again.
