When the alarm goes off and you’re yanked out of your warm, comfortable, infant-like slumber and confronted with the fact that you actually have to get up in the next 10 to 15 minutes, the first stage of the process is denial. Always denial.
Because you have to get up or you’ll be for late for work/school/taking care of your child or other dependent person and/or animal.
Probably, except you’ve already fallen back asleep.
You feel like your eyelids are glued shut and your eyeballs are dry, grainy blobs of sentient jelly that do not like being exposed to the light. The worst part is that this is not a hangover, it’s just how you feel every morning when it’s too early to be getting out of bed.
Getting up has not yet been achieved, but you’re already having wonderful fantasies of just staying in bed. You’ve convinced yourself that staying in bed is all you want from life, and maybe someone somewhere will pay you to do it.
If all else fails, the promise of food will spur a non-morning person to make a brief burst of effort and physically drag themselves out of bed.
You did it! You will probably not be getting fired today. You are more heroic than Luke Skywalker and Indiana Jones put together; people will throw parades in your honor and Ewoks will dance.
As you finally leave the tender embrace of your mattress and stagger out into the world like a wrinkly newborn bird, you begin to have doubts. It’s cold out here, and you were only planning on making oatmeal anyway.
Except you’ve tried this before, and you never have time to go to bed earlier. Maybe you’re not doing it right… there has to be another way.
After self-blaming comes self-acceptance. You were born this way, damn it!
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