1) It’s $18 for a fifth
2) It’s 190 proof (aka 95% alcohol)
3) But don’t worry, it is also 5% water so it will simultaneously keep you hydrated
4) It’s the closest thing to moonshine that you can legally buy
5) However, if you live in California, Florida, Maine, Iowa, New York, Nevada, Ohio, Washington or Minnesota you’re gonna have to smuggle it across statelines … and if you live in Hawaii you’re gonna have to smuggle it across the Pacific Ocean. The process will make drinking it that much more rewarding
6) Because how many alcohols do you know that require a flammable label saying that this bottle could potentially explode?
7) It says never to drink it straight up, but, then again, who ever uses the instruction manual
8) Because Barcardi 151 is for amateurs
9) Temporary blindness is normal … it just means that it really tastes good. Permanent blindness … abort mission; go see a doctor ASAP
10) Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
11) Because why wear a drunk blanket when you can wear a drunk quilt (people that go to northern schools know what I’m talking about)
12) It’s more cost effective than paying for gas to heat your house in the winter. Why pay $300/month for heating when you can just buy a fifth for $18?
13) Because at 95% alcohol, an Everclear fifth holds the equivalent of 40 standard drinks, which comes out to less than $0.50/drink.
14) Because the scientific, nobel-prize-should-be-winners at “GetDrunkNotFat.com” says Everclear is the best drink to get drunk, not fat
15) Liquor upon liquor is good for the old ticker and food for the liver
16) It will make any girl that is a 7 look like a solid 10
17) Because you can never keep track of how many shots you have actually taken so you have to err on the side of ‘you need to pick up the pace’
18) It is the key ingredient in the kool aid killer (1/2 alcohol, 1/2 club soda, and kool aid mix)
19)Because it will make the idea of setting off a firework next to the library seem like the best idea since the invention of the wheel
20) Because firework artistry only gets better as you get drunker, and Everclear will make you the Picasso of fireworks
21) Everyone needs at least one night like this
22) You haven’t lived until you’ve tried this drink they like to call: “Gas Out Of Satan’s Ass”
Happy Drinking!
– Nick Reitnour
