As if dating now a days isn’t hard enough, when you finally do get asked on a date by a guy you have so many factors to worry about because taking someone on a date isn’t so much a norm as say “Netflix and chill”-ing is. You start asking yourself… Is he a weirdo? Who asks people on dates anymore? What if it’s awkward? What if we run out of things to say? What if he talks too much? What if we have nothing in common? What if he’s secretly a psychopath? The list of things that could possibly go wrong on a date are endless, and the fear of going on a terrible date is a fear invested in most people. Well this terror of a first date, the date everyone fears theirs will play out to be, was an experience of my Freshman year I will never forget.
It all began after chapter one day. At my school’s local Moe’s, if you’re in greek life you get 25% off your meal on Sundays. Needless to say, I went to Moe’s after chapter, because the only thing better than food is 25% off food. It was packed inside, and if you’re apart of the greek community I’m sure you know chapters are typically “dress to pin” meaning dresses, nice shoes, etc. I was addressed by a tall, cute, guy in a suit obviously relieving his hunger after a long chapter like myself. He looks at me and says “Hey I really hope this doesn’t come across as weird, but you’re really beautiful and I thought you should know”. I gave a shy giggle accompanied by a smile and politely said “Thanks, I don’t think that’s weird that was very sweet of you”. Assuming after this he’s going to walk away, he insisted on progressing the conversation, where it turned out we were from the same hometown, shared a few mutual friends and other casual topics, until he was sitting at my table with my sisters and I. The bothers of his fraternity were getting up to leave so he politely excused himself and asked for my number if it “wasn’t asking for to much”. As far as I could see, this was a very determined, respectful guy, who noted it may come off as “weird” by addressing me in the first place indicating he was pretty normal, and he was cute- it was ballsy. So I said why not and gave him number, because what did I have to lose?
I didn’t even think I messed up by giving him my number. Even then, he was very calm, cool, collected. He waited 2 days to text me- not seeming eager but still making an effort. So far, he’d done everything right. When he finally did text me, he jumped straight to the point and said the words “I’d really like to take you on a date”… I was hesitant, but again what did I have to lose other than taking a chance? We set a time and day for the date, however he wanted to keep where he was taking me a surprise. This is when my first red flag went up and my instincts screamed “psychopath going to kill me” and none of my friends would know where I went off to. So my big at the time was dating a brother of his fraternity, found out where he was headed to where I thought was my death sentence to ease my nerves and I was immediately settled knowing she of all people knew where I was going.
Everything was playing out great and I really thought all was going to go well because of how everything was handled and presented. This random person who asked me out actually started to seem like a quality guy… which I’m sure he is I just had a little bit of a different experience with him.
He ended up taking me to “Congo River” for miniature golfing, cute and basic first date idea, right? What ended up not being so cute was first, and this is a huge pet peeve of mine, was the way he talked to the people that worked there. I have worked in the service industry for about 5 years and the one thing I hate most is disrespectful customers, and that’s putting how he acting nicely, disrespectful. The lady at the check in was genuinely joking around with him and he snapped back with unnecessary and rude comments, then proceeded to tell me how much of a “b*tch” he thought she while we walked towards and arrived at the first hole. I uncomfortably smiled and ignored his comments adding “I really think she was just messing around”. Strike one.
Once he was finally done crying about the workers there, we started the course. He let me take first putt, because ladies first, but asked me before if I had ever played before. At the time I was 19, so the extent of any golfing experience I had was as much as that one time I was 7 and played at Boomers. That’s exactly the answer I gave him. “No I’ve never played, so don’t make fun of me if I suck!” and was given the response “Have you really never played? How have you never played mini golf? Are you serious“? Oh I am so sorry we aren’t all professionals at such a well respected sport of mini golf like yourself… I should’ve said but instead I bit my tongue. The condescending comments didn’t stop there either. In fact, they continued the entire 18 holes. It was great, really. I mean what girl doesn’t like being talked down to? Strike two.
It wasn’t even condescending comments about the way I was playing golf, or the constant reminders he had a higher score than me that really got under my skin, but more so that he was treating me like I had half a brain cell. If you’ve ever been to Congo River, you know that there is a scavenger hunt throughout the course and if you find everything there’s a prize at the end. Well, since he was a professional at Congo River’s course from all his practice he already knew where everything on the list was hidden but he still wanted me to try to find the items. *Note that I have really bad eyes; I can not see well at all and I also don’t wear contacts because I have a phobia of things going into my eyes. I wasn’t feeling my glasses on this first date so I hadn’t had them on nor did I bring them with me.* Even after explaining this to him and that I couldn’t see things that far away, and honestly anything that close to me, he tried standing next to items on the scavenger hunt basically pointing them out and then when I still couldn’t see he started openly questioning my intelligence: “Are you serious? There’s no way you can’t see” “Well you are a blonde” “No seriously are you dumb I’m literally looking directly at it”. Man you know how to tell the ladies what they wanna hear! Strike 3- You should’ve been taken out of the game.
I think it’s safe to say at this point that I wasn’t having a good time. That’s obviously an uncomfortable situation to confront, so I handled it by letting him talk to me the way he did and I just stopped giving reaction and wasn’t really responding to any of his belittling commentary. Halfway through the course, I remember it was hole nine because I was longing to reach hole 18 and get the hell away from this kid, he decides to kiss me. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of PDA especially not when there are bright lights shining down on you, bright enough to light up I don’t know, say an entire miniature golf course? And I don’t know about anyone else, but there’s definitely something about a stranger sticking their tongue down my throat while a family with their three-year-old is watching that really screams “you suck”. I pushed him off me and continued golfing trying to fast forward to the end of this date and go home. Strike 4 and you’re pushing your luck.
The moment I dreamed about finally came, the 18th hole. The course was finally over and just as I thought I was a 15 minute car ride away from being free to never see this guy again, we stop to get ice cream. I didn’t make a big deal about this though, because what kind of human would I be if I turned down free ice cream? On our way to the ice cream shop, we made small talk in the car. Small, agonizing, talk that really just seemed like a conversation of a mockery of my life. Offensive topics and comments covered include:
Im a pitbull advocate, I have two pitbulls and strongly believe aggressiveness is only so much DNA and the majority of aggressive behavior is a reflection of the environment in which they are raised and the treatment of their owners. When this topic arose in conversation, he immediately shot down my opinion claiming I was wrong and that pitbulls are only aggressive and are physically incapable of being sweet, cuddle-y pets.
I know absolutely nothing about music, so I can enjoy pretty much any genre- except metal. It’s too aggressive for my liking. *Note: He happened to be the singer in a metal band, however I have dated guys in metal bands before, nothing against their taste in music it’s just not my style*. That being said, I don’t care what kind of music you’re into, but you do you it’s your life just live it. After telling him my Mom is from Alabama and that I enjoyed country music, he went on to tell me how he hates country music and he thinks the people who listen to it are dumb hillbillies and went on to “imitate” those who listen to it by putting on a thick southern accent, and say (and I QUOTE) “I can play a banjo and I like to f***k my dog”. Under what circumstances would this ever seem like a good idea to say to a girl who just told you her roots are from the south and she enjoys country music? I left a long silent pause after the imitation, and just kind of looked at him with a simple added “I’m sorry are you mocking me”? He claimed no and that he was just having some fun.
After a silent rest of the ride there, we get out and are waiting in line for ice cream. He was trying to make some jokes and at this point I’m clearly over it. I gave him a fake smile, but anyone else really wouldn’t know the difference, and he called me out on it. “Don’t give me that fake sorority girl smile”. Sorority girl smile. So now I’m being grouped together in his stereotypical definition of how sorority girls are supposed to be. After a few more unnecessary comments about sororities, and him realizing he was putting his foot in his mouth, he shut up and I followed with “Are you mocking me now“? Strike 5 and I’m seriously questioning why I haven’t called for a rescue ride to save me from being in your presence.
Still in line and the kid still thinks he has some jokes up his sleeve. As if you think he can’t say anything to make him even more unappealing, he makes a racist joke concerning the ethnicity of the man directly in front of us in line for ice cream. At this point I’m humiliated, embarrassed, mortified, and offended that it didn’t even cross his mind that saying something like that would be offensive. Strike 6 GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We finally get our ice cream, it’s cold out and I’m over it. He offered for us to sit in his car to eat the ice cream, as I’m freezing my butt off I agree, assured he’s not going to make a pass at me. Well, I was right, except 2 minutes into being in his car he offered for me to come over to watch a movie. I’m really trying my best to be polite to this guy I’ve completely decided is a total jerk, so I hit I’m with a hesitant maybe, while knowing I’ll slip it in the conversation later that I’m just so tired and would really rather get dropped off, thinking we just started eating ice cream so it’ll buy me some time. Wrong. He immediately takes my hesitant maybe as a “hell yeah!” and puts the car in drive. I panic and wait for us to get closer and closer to campus (where I lived at the time). He kept talking so I couldn’t get a word in and in fear we weren’t going to make the turn for campus I cut him off and frantically tell him I really just want to go home. To my surprise, and I’m sure to all of yours, he sounded confused and said yeah sure no problem, but asked if there was a reason. I lied and told him my roommate was going out of town to this big parade the next day and had really wanted to see me before she left. To avoid an awkward 10 minutes of uncomfortable silence I just started talking about how close me and my roommate were but I was excited for her to come home from the parade because she would be drunk and I think taking care of drunk people is entertaining. That conversation quickly turned into a distinctive conversation between a party girl and a guy who rarely enjoys a drink. As the conversation grew more and more uncomfortable, it ended as he pulled up to my dorm building and his last sentence of the topic was “I think girls who drink heavy are just very unattractive and I think drunk people are just annoying”. I sat there biting my tongue trying not to laugh. As if we couldn’t of been more opposites, he tells me this and my only thought the entire date was “I need a drink”.
The audacity of this man to tell me to text him and then lean in for a second kiss of the night. I played it off like I didn’t see what he was doing and told him I was really bad with texting, but thanked him for everything and to enjoy the rest of his night. I proceeded to meet my friends at the bar where I was sure I wouldn’t be running into him, and my night ended up having a nice turn around.
I have lived to tell a first date horror story, which makes me hesitate to ever say yes to going on a date again. I don’t regret it though, at least I got a good story to share! I think everyone should take the chance if given the opportunity because you really don’t have anything to lose- except maybe some respect for the guy who takes you out if your experience is anything like mine.
Happy dating and may the odds be ever in your favor.
**If you were wondering if I ever talked to him again, the answer is a strong no. He did reach out to me, I hit him with the read receipt, and even after that it got back to him that I had a terrible time and was extremely offended so he did apologize. However, I continued to just leave the texts unanswered, as I did not feel the need to tell him it was ok the way he acted intentional or not.**
