College is often a time of self-discovery and hard questions. For me, one of the hard questions I had to answer was “Am I really really a woman?” The more I self-reflected, the more I realized that the answer was “No, not really.” This lead to an identity crisis of sorts. I knew I wasn’t a woman; however, I knew the label of ‘man’ would still not be quite right. It took a bit, but I found the words that described my gender: non-binary transmasculine. What this combination mean to me is that my gender does not quite fit into the binary world of ‘men’ and ‘women.’ Although, I closely identify with masculinity. Once I felt secure with this, I began coming out.
First person to be told was my girlfriend. She immediately changed the pronouns she used when referring to me. No longer was I a ‘she’ to her, but my new pronouns were used: ‘they/them.’ After her I came out to my close friends and then my fraternity brothers. All of these people embraced me. At first, I did have to constantly remind them to think about how they referred to me. After a bit, all of those closest to me caught on. The semester after coming out, I was faced with e-mailing the professors from my small liberal arts university about the change. Nerves got to me. I only sent out the e-mails after a few beers. For the most part, it turned out I did not have much to worry about. Overall, I was met with respect.
Transitioning is a daunting task and can make you feel very vulnerable. First it is important to know you are not alone. Learn about your rights. If you are in the United States, under Title IX your pronouns and chosen name should be used by those in a professional setting (work, university, etc.) To change your name and pronouns on rosters, you may want to email the Dean of Students for your campus. From there, they will either be able to change your name in the university’s system or point you in the right direction. (Note: This is different than legally changing your legal name and gender marker). If your campus has counselling (especially if it is free or affordable) go there to take care of your mental health as you go about this. Sometimes, I am left wondering:
Never underestimate a good support system.Close friends are extremely valuable, If you are comfortable seek out your campus’ Gay Straight Alliance or similar program. Even if you don’t want to join they may be able to help you find resources that are on campus or in the community.
Now for one of the most important pieces of advice I could give you: It is okay not to be sure of your gender. There is no rush. Take your time to explore who are. Come out only when you are comfortable.
Also, I had to learn that:
Artist. University Senior. Transgender.
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