In what can only be described as the innovation of the decade, PornHub has dropped the mic on the leading technology manufacturers. Even the most creative and wondrous people of the world could not forsee the coming of this innovation. PornHub has done the unthinkable. “This technology is going to fundamentally change the way we live our life,” said me. PornHub has released the “Wankband” – a phone charger wrist band powered by masturbation.
Now I know what you thinking … this is just too good to be true. I actually thought it was a joke too at first. But then I remember that it isn’t April Fool’s day … it’s not even April. Therefore, it has to be true.
PornHub loyalists everywhere have been rejoicing at this tremendous news. However, PornHub has told people not to bust with excitement just yet. The technology still needs to undergo arduous testing by some of the industry’s most talented users. In fact, word on the street is that PornHub is even bringing “Chaz” into the lab to test out this technology. For those of you who don’t know, Chaz routinely touts his “daily count” to be in the 10-15 range with a personal daily high record of 32 times. It remains to be seen how it affects this wrist band will affect crucial things such as stroking technique and wrist leverage. Nevertheless, the scientists behind this innovation are confident in their product.
However, this is just the tip of the ice berg 
The possibilities are endless.
Two words – Shake Weight.
Everyone loves the shake weight. You can Shake Weight in your bedroom. You can Shake Weight in the bathroom. You can even Shake Weight in public, but I think that’s frowned upon. Don’t understand what I’m saying? Watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57IoQcuKPxc
Nothing like getting a good pump and charging your phone. They haven’t mentioned a price, but can you honestly even put a price on releasing endorphins and charging your phone!?
P.S. I’m trying to become a spokesperson at PornHub or Shake Weight so if anyone knows any people out there, a some connections would be much appreciated.
By: Nick Reitnour
University of Michigan
