CLEVELAND—Case Western Reserve University freshman Brian Calabrese, 18, who will be the only student staying on campus this holiday weekend, is planning the saddest little Thanksgiving meal in history of the world, sources told reporters today. “I wasn’t able to get a ride home to Akron, so I’m just going to make a little Thanksgiving dinner for myself here in the dorm,” said Calabrese, who recently walked to a local Shop Rite supermarket and purchased a small package of sliced turkey and a box of Stove Top stuffing for what will undoubtedly be the most depressing iteration yet of the 391-year-old tradition.
