The 26 Stages of a Girls’ Thirsty Thursday:
1. Debate whether or not to go out. Question whether you did all of your work: if you did, you wonder who’s throwing down tonight. If you didn’t do all of your work: you wonder if that really matters.
2. Text your friends to see who’s going out. Have debate on group message on whether to go out or not.
3. Reach conclusion to go out.
4. Wonder if you should shower again. Or is that only reserved for the premiere party days, Friday and Saturday? It probably is. Yeah, fuck that.
5. Assess outfit options. Root through dirty laundry hamper to see what is not available. See something you could’ve used…if you’d done your laundry. Momentarily hate yourself for being lazy.
6. Try on several different outfits before finding the right one. Ask yourself if it’s too sexy or too casual for a Thursday night. Text friends to see what they’re wearing. Conclude that it’ll do. You knew it was the right choice anyway.
7. Throw on/touch up some last minute makeup. It’ll be dark at the party.
8. Meet up with your friends to pregame. Experience brief thankfulness for your gender…girls never pay for alcohol.
9. Take shots, which are followed by a bad chaser. You curse the dorm vending machine for being out of Diet Coke, and only offering regular Coke as a chaser choice. Hello, calories.
10. Have a brief discussion with your friends as to how drunk you are. If you’re pretty drunk, this is when you all take a selfie together. If you’re only a little tipsy, this is when you all clink shot glasses and take another one down. Lil Jon would be proud.
11. Agree you’re all drunk. Get ready to leave the pregame, and trip over yourself at least once in the process.
12. Arrive at the party. By now you’ve probably been hit on by some creep. Ah, Thursday night desperation.
13. Grind energetically with a random guy you don’t know. He’s cute right? Wait is he? It’s too dark down here to tell.
14. Hit the keg, or get jungle juice. Then take a bathroom trip with your friends. Someone’s likely crying by now, and someone also needs help in the ladies’ room.
15. Grind again. Hi, new guy.
16. Remember you have class tomorrow and decide to leave. This party is lame anyway.
17. Drag yourself and your friends back to your dorm rooms. All those drinks are making you feel sleepy.
18. Arrive at dorm room. Successfully make it past the RA without looking suspicious. Congratulate yourself for once again cheating the system.
19. Convince yourself you lost your room key.
20. Eventually find your room key.
21. Fiddle with the lock until the door finally opens. Try to be quiet since your roommate’s probably sleeping. You accidentally knock something over anyway. Lol whatever.
22. Fall into bed with your makeup on, and your teeth unbrushed. One night can’t hurt.
23. Grope for a water bottle. You can already feel the hangover coming.
24. Scroll through all social media, focusing especially hard on Instagram. You looked so good, and aww this picture of you and your friends is so cute! You don’t even remember taking that!
25. Debate whether going to class tomorrow is worth it. You know you should, but then again maybe you shouldn’t?
26. Fall asleep without setting an alarm. You’ll decide tomorrow if that was intentional, or an accident.
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