According to our friends over at CollegeTimes.com, these are some things you probably have learned the hard way during sex in college:
Jesus Christ – if I could go back and tell my little, virginal self anything it would be this: pee after you have sex. Do you have any idea how many UTIs and resulting kidney infections I could have avoided if someone had told me this? I was sexually active for four years before my doctor informed me what I was doing wrong. FOUR years of intermittent, crippling cystitis. Minus craic.
Watch The Babysitter with James Deen and Nicole Ray. That scene is the Holy Grail of pornography as far as I’m concerned and portrays great sex. This is what teenage boys should be taught! Make eye contact, stimulate multiple erogenous zones at once, whisper in her ear, ask her what she wants. James Deen is often described as knowing just when to kiss a girl and just when to slap her. To me, that is a pretty good description of a great lover. Of course, not everyone likes to have their hair pulled or to be slapped so ask.
Christ, I hate the way that female sexuality is viewed and portrayed as something mystical. We have a sex drive. Girls don’t need to “wait for the right guy” or “want it to be special”. I did neither of those things and I am a perfectly happy, healthy individual with a normal and satisfying sex life. I’m not saying not to wait. I’m saying wait as long as you see fit. It’s not a game. Your virginity is not a precious gift that you have to give. If you want to have sex then, as Nike would say, just do it. Do it safely and do it with and as consenting adults but if you want to do it then don’t wait for society to decide that it’s appropriate. It is your vagina and you can use it as you see fit.
Everyone has sex. It’s not that impressive. If a girl has sex with you it is most probably because she wanted to. It is not because you tricked her or out-smarted her. It is also important to know that just because a girl has sex with you does not mean that she wants a relationship. If you have sex with a girl and she speaks to you afterwards it is unlikely that she is doing so to organise the ins and outs of the pre-nup. Don’t be so arrogant. It is both completely unnecessary and completely rude. If we know each other well enough to smash our genitals together then we know each other well enough to behave normally afterwards.
It is not that difficult to find it. When you do find it, for the love of Christ, be careful. It has got more nerve endings than your entire penis. Direct pressure is going to be uncomfortable. It’s a bit like waiting for an elevator: pressing the button 15 times in rapid succession isn’t going to make it come any faster. Remember that.
This is not a cruel rumour designed by authors of women’s prose to torture you. It exists. It is ergonomically designed to sit right at the front wall of the vagina – right at the tips of your fingers. It feels rough – like a cat’s tongue. Find it, stimulate it and you will be a very popular man. Or woman. Whatever you’re into.
7. Guilt
Do what you want to do. Don’t do things you don’t want to do. Easy. Catholic guilt and slut-shaming have no place in modern society. No matter what you were taught in sex ed. As long as everything that you are doing is between consenting adults, as Christy Moore would say, Ride On…
