I don’t really know how to start this…”hey” or “dear you” or really any greeting seems weird because I never had to do that before. There was never a need for a greeting with us.
This is weird, right? But it’s different now…right?
Sometimes my heart still hurts. Sometimes I think I think about you more often than I want to and I’ll find my eyes tearing up when that happens, which seems strange. We have fallen in and out more times that I think I could count on my fingers but this last time we just sort of fell apart in silence. I probably did what was best for you because sometimes people outgrow each other, without even realizing. Sometimes you need to come to terms with the fact that you’ve done all you can for them, and you must move on for the sake of both of you. But nobody ever warns you that losing your best friend is a type of heartbreak all its own.
So I am so sorry if you are still angry with me for vanishing but you know me, thinking that I know what’s best. I still hold on to everything that was good but please understand I had my reasons for leaving. When things worked they really worked. You were my confidant, other half, my mind-reader, adventurer, and so much more. But when things didn’t work it was too much to handle. There was always harsh words exchanged and things that neither one of us meant said but we were so angry for whatever stupid reason.
It all seems stupid when I think about it now. We were too good for all that pettiness.
But everything can be seen through rose colored glasses once it is over.
The truth is that we aren’t close anymore for a good reason, or we would still be in each other’s lives. That’s not to say that you can’t still come to me. I urge you to call or text or facetime or whatever you need to do whenever you need someone in your corner. I would still drop it all for you. You were right by my side through some of the toughest stuff I have ever been through and I will always be thankful for you.
I would love to think that there might just be something for us down the line, a falling back together of sorts. So until then please take care of yourself. Keep laughing. Keep adventuring. Keep doing all that makes you happy. I still only want the world for you.
Your past best friend.
