[–]ohmytestes
This is one of my favorites. So I was a 17-year-old freshman in college and I went out for the night dressed as a pumpkin. My puberty-addled brain thought it was a good idea to chug a solo cup full of rubbing-alchohol-shitty vodka. At some point I used more of this shitty vodka to spike some even shittier boxed wine. Apparently I made it back to my dorm, hung out with some people, and went to use the one-person guest bathroom (only bathroom that locks from the inside). Some kids called EMS because I didn’t come out after thirty minutes, I was totally unresponsive, some guy was drunkenly attempting to stab the door open with a knife, and the RA (drunkest of all) was futilely attempting to kick through the window over and over again. Anyway, half a dozen police people show up and ram the door off its hinges, only to find me peacefully passed out hugging the toilet. No vomit or other bodily fluids present, just me getting my cuddle on with the toilet in a ridiculous pumpkin outfit. EMS had me on my feet with some smelling salts and I was essentially fine, but they had to take me to the hospital since I was technically still a minor. So I hopped into the ambulance, made friends with the doctors and nurses, and had a merry old time. I had a really friendly cop take me home the next morning, and I got to skip out on the hangover. I got in quite a bit of trouble with the school, and, since I didn’t remember anything, the Dean of Student Conduct wanted to guilt some remorse into me by reading the police report to me aloud. This did not have the intended effect. The report was short and sweet: “Subject was friendly and made lots of jokes.”
Edit: Forgot to mention it was Halloween night hehehe
I like to write, while I also like to eat bbq wings.
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