1. Try to Zoom in on an Instagram Picture
No, Mom, double clicking a picture doesn’t zoom in. YOU CAN’T ZOOM IN! Get with the picture (pun intended.)
2. Walk in on a Movie at the Worst Time
The brutally graphic sex scene is approaching in the movie your watching. Don’t worry, your parents are both magically about to enter the room. I swear it’s like programmed into their DNA.
3. Brutally Misuse Facebook
It all went down hill after your mom friend requested you, (and you tried to ignore it):
4. Enjoy the Song Blurred Lines
I don’t know what it is about this song. All parents, especially mothers, love every second of it. It must remind them of the 80s or something.
5. Incorrectly Sing the Only Line They Know in a Popular Song
Mom, stop trying to rap something by Iggy. Dad, Rude, does not say, “Don’t you know I’m a human tool.” Stop singing please! You’ve been screwing up lyrics since you thought Elton John was singing, “Hold me close now Tony Danza.”
6. Watch Discovery Channel
This is father specific. If your father doesn’t regularly watch Deadliest Catch then get a DNA test done because he is most likely not your father.
And no, Dad, you are not Steve Irwin just because you watch Planet Earth every Tuesday and Thursday. You are a lawyer. Stop it!
7. “Reply All” to an Email
All email services should just get rid of the “reply all” option to save us all the pain of reading your father’s response to 150 people who don’t care that “Yes,” he is “coming to Aunt Jane’s 80th birthday bash.”
8. Try and Fail to Use Emoticons
You’ve received a text like this:
9. Talk About How Tough Their Childhoods Were
I get it. You walked 2 miles, uphill both ways to get to and from school. You only had 13 channels, (and they were better than the 1300 that we have today.) You woke up at 5 AM to deliver the paper.
