To the friends, family, and even strangers whom I have affected,
I would like to say I am sorry, and I guess I am to some extent, but apologizing for my anxiety is like apologizing for being me; my anxiety is a part of me. My anxiety has doomed a lot of my friendships and even romantic relationships which have been ruined because of my anxious thoughts and sense of worry that hovers over my existence. Instead of apologizing for this part of me, I will personally say to you, I am sorry that I was so hard to handle that to the point that it destroyed whatever was between us at one time.
To the people who walked away, I feel like I should give you an explanation to justify my behavior, but I really don’t have one. Instead, I have a list of seventeen things that I personally wanted to tell you about my anxiety from my point of view. Here are the seventeen things that I wish you would have known and understood.
17. It’s not that easy to just “chill” or “relax.”
16. I can’t help it, I overthink and overanalyze a lot which often leads to overreacting.
15. It’s easier said than done. You can control anxiety, but you cannot just cure it.
14. Don’t tell me I need help or that I am out of my mind. I need you to be understanding.
13. Anxiety is not like a light switch; I can’t just turn it on and off as I desire (even though I would like to).
