College Students Thinking of Marriage or Not, you should read this.


When I got home that night my wife served din­ner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got some­thing to tell you. She sat down and ate qui­etly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Sud­denly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was think­ing about divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her ques­tion. This made her angry. She threw away the chop­sticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weep­ing. I knew she wanted to find out what had hap­pened to our mar­riage. But I could hardly give her a sat­is­fac­tory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her any­more. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agree­ment which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my com­pany. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actu­ally a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for sev­eral weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writ­ing some­thing at the table. I didn’t have sup­per but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an event­ful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writ­ing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morn­ing she pre­sented her divorce con­di­tions: she didn’t want any­thing from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both strug­gle to live as nor­mal a life as pos­si­ble. Her rea­sons were sim­ple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to dis­rupt him with our bro­ken marriage.

This was agree­able to me. But she had some­thing more, she asked me to recall how I had car­ried her into out bridal room on our wed­ding day. She requested that every day for the month’s dura­tion I carry her out of our bed­room to the front door ever morn­ing. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bear­able I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce con­di­tions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No mat­ter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body con­tact since my divorce inten­tion was explic­itly expressed. So when I car­ried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is hold­ing mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bed­room to the sit­ting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nod­ded, feel­ing some­what upset. I put her down out­side the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the sec­ond day, both of us acted much more eas­ily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fra­grance of her blouse. I real­ized that I hadn’t looked at this woman care­fully for a long time. I real­ized she was not young any more. There were fine wrin­kles on her face, her hair was gray­ing! Our mar­riage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I won­dered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of inti­macy return­ing. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I real­ized that our sense of inti­macy was grow­ing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became eas­ier to carry her as the month slipped by. Per­haps the every­day work­out made me stronger.

She was choos­ing what to wear one morn­ing. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suit­able one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown big­ger. I sud­denly real­ized that she had grown so thin, that was the rea­son why I could carry her more easily.

Sud­denly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bit­ter­ness in her heart. Sub­con­sciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, see­ing his father car­ry­ing his mother out had become an essen­tial part of his life. My wife ges­tured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walk­ing from the bed­room, through the sit­ting room, to the hall­way. Her hand sur­rounded my neck softly and nat­u­rally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wed­ding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked inti­macy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly with­out lock­ing the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, aston­ished, and then touched my fore­head. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My mar­riage life was bor­ing prob­a­bly because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any­more. Now I real­ize that since I car­ried her into my home on our wed­ding day I am sup­posed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to sud­denly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked down­stairs and drove away. At the flo­ral shop on the way, I ordered a bou­quet of flow­ers for my wife. The sales­girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morn­ing until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flow­ers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fight­ing CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the what­ever neg­a­tive reac­tion from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a lov­ing husband….

The small details of your lives are what really mat­ter in a rela­tion­ship. It is not the man­sion, the car, prop­erty, the money in the bank. These cre­ate an envi­ron­ment con­ducive for hap­pi­ness but can­not give hap­pi­ness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those lit­tle things for each other that build inti­macy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, noth­ing will hap­pen to you.

If you do, you just might save a mar­riage. Many of life’s fail­ures are peo­ple who did not real­ize how close they were to suc­cess when they gave up.”

Writ­ten by: Kim­mies Floral


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