“Wanting to be friends keeps you from feeling the full depth of the loss, softening the blow of the breakup,” says Nina Atwood, therapist and author of Temptations of the Single Girl. You might think that it’s a good idea to stay platonic with a former lover, but there are many challenges, such as the feelings of emotional attachment.
Atwood says, “You may feel that this person knows you better than anyone else. Even if you’re not sexually attracted, you may still want the emotional intimacy that you shared.”
And this kind of dependency can make you more vulnerable to getting hurt all over again once your ex finds someone new — and they always find someone new. None of us enjoy the feeling that we’ve been replaced.
The transition from relationship to friendship can have all kinds of hidden dangers that can lead to more pain, according to relationship expert Lindsay Kriger. “Let’s be friends” may sound like a great idea, but it can be a lot harder to pull off in real time.
Kriger says, “What it doesn’t mean is ‘Let’s have a completely platonic relationship in which we ignore the feelings we had for one another, even the ones we still have.’”
OK, so staying real-time friends might not be such a great idea, but there’s probably not a problem staying Facebook friends. Right? Well no.
