Thanksgiving is the one time of year when we gather with our family members for a glutenous feast in honor of a huge genocide/theft of land back in the 1600’s. I am lucky enough to know a wide variety of video game characters on a personal level, and often celebrate Thanksgiving with at least one of them. Because most video games are fairly violent, I really can’t think of a better way to honor such a holiday, than recalling what the celebration has been like with some of my best digital friends.
10.) Mario
This guy is just a freaking mess, honestly you probably don’t even want to know what Thanksgiving would be like with him. I actually invited him over last year believe it or not and it was a disaster. First off, he showed up high as balls off of some mushrooms and he was wearing a raccoon costume for some reason. In the middle of eating a turkey leg i hear my mom shouting in the other room, so I of course jump out of my chair and run into the kitchen to see what is going on. What I saw next will scar me for life. Mario’s mushrooms were apparently a bit stronger than he could handle because he spent the better part of an hour jumping up and down on my turtles back shouting “die Koopa die!” We tried to stop him, “Mario he’s dead you killed him already! Just stop!” But it didn’t stop him, he is obsessed…
9.) Samus
Honestly my Thanksgiving experience with Samus couldn’t have been more awkward. I remember when we were just two little boys running around playing pranks on metroids and such. But everything changed when Samus came to visit. After a long car ride, naturally he just wanted to relax and take a nap so I told him to head to the guest bedroom and relax a spell. After sending him upstairs I walked up to see how everything was, and after opening the door i was shocked to discover….Samus had boobs! He was a she! “How could you have not known this?” She said. “I don’t know, would you like to go on a date.” I replied.
8.) Pac Man
There honestly isn’t much to say. He ate….everything in site.
7.) Niko Bellic
This is another one I would prefer not to talk about, but I have already made my official statement to the police so I guess it couldn’t hurt. I invited Niko over after him and I met at one of my favorite strip clubs. He seemed like a normal enough guy at the club, he said some off the wall stuff here and there, but i just chalked it up to the alcohol. 5:00 PM rolled around and my family was ready to eat but Niko was no where to be found. As we approached 6:00 I began to worry that he might have forgotten about the dinner all together, so I called him. “Yeah yeah, I am on my way…I just had to make a few…stops.” It was at 6:35 PM that the shit hit the fan. I heard a loud bang in the living room and was met by four men dressed in all black with ski masks who proceeded to fire automatic weapons randomly throughout my house. “GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND! THE TURKEY IS OURS!!!” They shouted right before stealing every course on the table (except the cranberry sauce) and all of our vehicles….Happy Thanksgiving.
6.) Red Trainer
Red Trainer wasn’t a terrible house guest all things considered. He brought a wide variety of exotic fruit dishes no one has ever heard of, and overall they were pretty good. But sure enough, the guy felt the need to continuously let his pets out of their pokeballs. I told him over and over “dude you have to put them away, no pets around the food.” But each time I was met with something along the lines of “but they need to get out and walk around every so often.” That isn’t my fault red, who keeps their pets in tiny little balls anyway…that shit is just inhumane.
