Hey dudes who are just lounging under my Tinder matches!
We are the definition of dormant. We were both so alive at one time. Seriously, we both took the effortless effort to swipe right for each other. And now, we live abiotic under a list of names and pictures. Like we were ever going to actually spark a conversation though, right?
I see your name and picture on a daily basis just settled down comfortably and silently in my matches. I mean there are a lot of you, and a lot of you guys are pretty hot, too. So why can’t one of us just grow some balls and send a darn message?
Like, I don’t even know you. But, we matched on fricken Tinder, so who knows? For all we know, we can be soulmates. But, at the same time, what do I even say to you?
“Howdy?”
“What’s cooking, good looking?”
“Heyyyyyyyy!”
Or, you can just sit there and I just sit here and act like that swipe meant nothing at all.
When I first saw your picture with all of the guys, I had no idea which one you were. But, then I saw your picture with your puppy, and man, it was love at first swipe (I am not sure if the love was targeted at the dog or you…actually, who knows, maybe you are a dog?!). Bottom line, we obviously had a mutual attraction. Or, maybe we drunk swiped each other. Who knows?
For all I know, you might not even be a real person! I mean that’s kind of scary. Like you can be a creepy old man hiding behind the face of a twenty year old angel named Alex. Or, you could just be a plain jerk. But, what if you happen to be prince charming? I mean maybe I shouldn’t get my hopes up. After all, this is Tinder.
So, I am just going to write this article to say hey what’s up, I’m Dani! It has been an honor to match with you or whoever the person you are behind your clichéd profile picture. Oh, and you’re kind of hot.
Stay safe kids!
Sincerely, your coolest match
