10 Things That Happen When You Constantly Need to Pee

Written By: Laura Maureen

If you have ever spent any time at me at all, you will know that I have the bladder the size of approximately a walnut. On a good day. I don’t mean that in a UTI-STD-other-kind-of-infection kind of way, I just mean that for whatever reason, I always have to pee. I could not drink anything for an entire day and still have to pee every hour, on the hour, without fail. If you can relate to any of these things, you probably also suffer from Small Bladder Syndrome.

1. You never have to worry about “breaking the seal,” because you never had a seal to begin with.

2. Dates are pretty much the worst thing ever, especially since you’ve made sure to drink an extra amount of water that day to make sure that your skin has that “healthy glow” or whatever (thanks, Cosmo). This inevitably leads to you having to leave the table every 45 minutes, and your date therefore thinking that you are either having a terrible time or a victim of explosive diarrhea.

3. You have learned that with a smile, a few eyelash bats, and maybe a few squirmy crossings of the legs, you can get 95% of store employees to let you use their “employees-only” bathroom. Whether it’s a CVS, Walgreens, or just some random cupcake boutique, they may not have the nicest bathroom, but they have one.

4. Desperation has forced you to drop your standards for bathrooms considerably. You will never turn down a bathroom for being too gross, because goddamnit THERE ISN’T TIME FOR THAT. The bleachers underneath your high school’s stadium, at 3 in the afternoon? Sure. The side of 1-83 in the middle of Western Maryland, during rush-hour traffic, literally on the side of the road? Sure. A bucket? Sure. (Those were all moments that happened when I was cold sober, just for the record)

5. Long car trips with other people, especially if you don’t know them very well, ARE. A. NIGHTMARE. You hate being that person that always needs to pull over and find somewhere to stop, especially since these moments inevitably happenright when you’re driving through Rapeville. And no, Linda, I can’t “hold it.” I’ve been internally debating whether or not I should say something for the past forty-five minutes, and I’m only mentioning it now because literally the only alternative is peeing all over your car. Do you want me to pee all of your car? I didn’t think so. Pull the fuck over. And sorry for ruining your road trip.

6. You absolutely detest how easy guys have it when it comes to peeing. It’s SO much easier. Do guys even appreciate the beauty of not having to take off their pants to pee? Or not having to wait in a long line? If you’re a guy and you’re reading this, appreciate it.

7. You know which Metro stops have employees that will let you use their bathrooms, and which ones won’t (off the top of my head, College Park, Metro Station, and DuPont all do).

8. Your legs have gotten phenomenally strong from all the hover-pees you’ve had to do in your lifetime, especially since you’re not about to actually full on ass-contact with some ratchet toilet seat in downtown DC. That’s how people get STDs.

9. You’ve missed countless key moments from your classes because you had to step out and pee. Yes, even if you made sure to use the bathroom before class.

10. If you are single, it’s probably because you will never be able to sit and talk with somebody for hours and hours, because you will inevitably have to be all, “Hold that thought, I have to go pee,” right before they’re about to declare their love for you.

If you can relate to any of these, you know that the struggle is real. Stay strong <3

For more blogs from Laura, check out her awesome blog at http://collegeisawkward.wordpress.com/

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